Women like to try new things—let’s get that out of the way. So you may be thinking in your mind, “No way is she going to want to do anal,” but honestly you never know. Many, many women love to engage in anal sex, but they will often never say anything to their partners because they are afraid of seeming like “a slut” to them. Even worse, they might be afraid that others will find out that they engage in what is really, at the end of the day, a perfectly normal sexual behavior that people have been doing for thousands of years.
So the first thing you need to know when discovering the world of anal sex is that you must be completely, 100% nonjudgmental about it, or else your girl is not going to want to do it.
Now, you may think that you’re not judgmental, but look back to the last time you heard a rumor about a woman you know who likes anal sex, or heard a story about a girl who likes it in the butt on the first date—did you not judge them? Was there some part of you that was like, “Man, what a slut!” As men, we often do this subconsciously, and categorize women as “good girls” and “bad girls” based on these kinds of behaviors, but it’s ironic because we ourselves want to do these same nasty things that we judge women for.
So one of your first major blocks when dealing with the prospect of anal might very well be that you view your girlfriend or spouse as “a good girl,” and so you can’t imagine her doing something as vulgar as taking it up her butt.
If you get introspective and find that this is true about you, that’s fine, you just need to take some time to realize that anal sex is perfectly normal and that there’s nothing taboo about it.
Only once you have that mindset, approach your girl. Otherwise, she’ll probably be able to tell that you’re judging her—even a little bit—if she agrees to it. Women seem to always be able to tell these things; they are very attuned to the “vibe” of a situation.
Once you have gotten over this mental hump—or if you never had it to begin with—you’re ready to deal with the practical aspects of this art.
Before you start getting into anal, though, there are a few things that you are your partner are going to want to do in order to physically prepare. Unfortunately, there is very rarely such a thing as “casual anal,” and you can’t just stick your penis inside of her anus randomly and have it go well the same way it happens in porn. There is a bit more preparation needed each session compared to vaginal sex. Here are the basics of what you will need:
This is the number one thing.
On your shopping list the day before you are going to try anal for the first time, this should be written in huge letters, as well as circled and underlined.
Do not ever, ever attempt anal sex without lubricant.
By the way, spit is not lubricant, and neither are household condiments. Again, as much as it might seem to work just fine in porn, this is real life.
You must use a commercial sexual lubricant, and one that can work well with a condom.
Water-based lubricants are fine, but since they dry up so much, you might want to try a silicon lubricant, which will help keep you from having to interrupt the sex to re-lube.
Yes, even if you’re in a monogamous relationship and there’s no chance for STI’s, you should probably wear a condom when you have anal sex, at least the first few times.
Why is this?
Well, I hate to break it to you and I don’t want to get too graphic, but girls produce solid waste through that hole just like we do.
Let’s just be totally blunt here: If she’s not experienced at figuring out how to tell whether or not she is “clear” enough for anal, you could end up with poo on your Johnson. The condom will protect you from this possibility, since it is not only kind of a turn-off, but it’s also unsanitary and could lead to infection.
First of all, go slow.
This is the number one rule of getting started with anal and not totally turning your girl off.
When someone is new to “taking it,” you have to be very gentle. When you get right down to it, the anus is not really meant to be used for sex, so it doesn’t stretch the same way the vagina does, and it can easily tear and start bleeding. If you go too rough too soon, this is much more likely to happen, and your girl is much more likely to be traumatized. You want to make it fun for her, or at least not too painful, if you want her to agree to do it again.
In order for her to become acclimated, it might take a few sessions. You may not be able to have rough anal sex with animalistic thrusting until her anus has had awhile to get used to things. So be gentle the first time.
Use plenty of lube, but not too much.
If you squirt the whole bottle up there, you might end up with an accidental enema. A few squirts inside of her and a thick layer slathered into your penis should more than suffice.
Start with your fingers.
Play with her anus with your fingers only at first.
This will help the muscles in that area to relax as she becomes aroused, and it will also help the hole expand to better accommodate your penis. Take this as an opportunity to lube her up. Put some lube on your finger and work it inside her. Ask her how it feels.
If she is a stranger, always use a condom.
Anal sex spreads more STI’s than vaginal sex does because the anus is more likely to bleed, even if you are careful, so protect yourself. It’s also a good idea, for reasons mentioned above, to use a condom even with a long-term partner.
Do not put your penis in her vagina immediately after anal sex.
This is very bad for her vagina and could introduce pathogens, leading to an infection. Nobody likes an infected vagina. If you later want to have vaginal sex, you must wash your penis thoroughly. This is another reason why it’s a good idea to use a condom during anal.
Stimulate her in other ways while anal is happening.
While you are thrusting, play with her vulva or even put a finger or two in her vagina if she seems comfortable with it. Though many women find it physically pleasurable for a man to be inside of her anus, there are actually few erotic nerves in that area compared to her vulva and vagina. In order to give her maximum stimulation, don’t neglect these areas.
It will help her relax and get into it, and you might even be able to make her orgasm.
Feeling pleasure during anal sex will help her make positive associations, and she’ll be more likely to agree to it in the future.
Follow these tips and it will make your exploration of anal sex a lot easier, but of course the most important thing is to get out there and practice.